All The Things We Never Say
by awesomesauce101
Summary: Sam, Dean, and Cas head out to investigate strange deaths in a small town in North Dakota. Same old hunt as always, at least until Cas gets possessed by the demon they're hunting and Dean has to deal with what comes after.


**A/N: Set at the beginning of season 9 when Cas is still human, but before he gets kicked out of the bunker. Pretty much a season 9 AU where Sam is okay after the trials and Cas stays and hunts with them. (And since there's no 'Ezekiel' then we'll just assume that Dean actually told the truth and the reaper brought Cas back to life)**

**Don't you hate when you have a really good idea for a plot but then you start writing and it just sucks? Like, figuring out a way to make it flow well is a pain. In the words of Chuck, writing is hard :P**

* * *

"Alright, so get this."

Sam pulls up a news article on his laptop. Dean leans down to read it over his brother's shoulder. With three mysterious deaths in the span of a week, police are stumped as to the cause. According to the witnesses, all that was left behind was a scent of sulfur. Other than that, they have no leads.

"Demons?" Dean says, straightening up.

"Looks like."

"You think it's Abaddon?"

Sam shrugs. "Don't know. It's too early to tell at this point, but we should definitely check it out."

Dean nods his head in agreement and heads off to his room to gather his things for the hunt. He passes by Cas' room on the way to his own and pokes his head in.

"Hey, we've got a case. You coming?" he asks.

"Of course," Cas replies. "I'll be ready in a moment."

"Well, don't take too long," Dean says as he leaves.

Once he gets to his room, he goes about packing changes of clothes and a couple of suits to pass off as a fed. He stuffs a fake badge and credit card into his wallet and snatches up the angel blade resting on the bedside table before he goes.

By the time he makes it back to the library, Sam is already packed, duffel bag slung over his shoulder. Dean scans the room and rolls his eyes when he notes they're missing one person.

"Cas!" he calls. "You going or what?"

He hears a crash and a few words that sound like they could be Enochian swears in response. He can't help chuckling to himself as Cas stumbles into the room with a bag of his own, looking vaguely irritated for whatever reason.

"Everything okay?" Dean asks amusedly.

"Fine," Cas snaps grumpily. "Let's go."

They head to the garage where the Impala is parked and toss their bags into the trunk. After an argument of who gets to ride shotgun, which Sam inevitably wins, they're rumbling down the street on their way to North Dakota.

About an hour or so after they start, Dean begins to re-evaluate his choice to take the car. Despite his fear of flying, he thinks that maybe taking a plane might have been easier. Having a motor mouth ex-angel in the backseat complaining is not helping his levels of patience. It's either too hot or too cold or the drive is taking too long and Dean feels like the guy in _Are We There Yet?_ with how many times Cas keeps pestering. When they finally come to a stop outside a crappy motel for the night, he's more than happy to get out of the car and away from the other two.

In his haste and irritation at his brother, who had become equally as annoying on the way, and Cas, he completely forgets to book them separate rooms. He only realizes his mistake upon entering the room and finding just two beds. For the moment, he considers just making Cas crash on the floor for the night. After all, it's not for very long.

Sam, however, has a different idea. One that involves one of them sharing a bed with the fallen angel. It's his stupid puppy dog eyes and his argument that Cas hasn't had the privilege to sleep in a bed for the better part of two weeks in which he'd gained his humanity that wins him over in the end. When he draws the metaphorical short straw, by losing in a game of rock-paper-scissors, he decides that he should probably stop choosing scissors all the time.

Cas, for all the obliviousness he has regarding personal space, actually seems to respect Dean's boundaries tonight and sticks to his side of the bed. The hunter closes his eyes and tries to sleep, but it's made more difficult with a snoring brother and ex-angel on either side of him. Not to mention the fact that Cas keeps talking in his sleep.

He finds himself wondering, as he listens to Cas mumble in Enochian, what he dreams about. Whether he dreams of Heaven before the fall, before he'd flown into Hell to save the Righteous Man. Dean shakes his head minutely, thinking it a bit odd to be wondering what his friend dreams of. He chalks it up to a long day and an equally long drive before he turns on his side and tries to get some shut eye.

* * *

The thing about nightmares is, they never go away. For him, they're always there in his subconscious, occasionally rising to the surface during the night when he sleeps. Whether it's visions of Hell, or a Leviathan possessed Cas wading into a lake, they shake him to his core and he wakes up, nearly headbutting Sam as he sits up abruptly.

"You okay, Dean?" his brother asks.

The two of them are looking at him with twin expressions of concern and he might think it comical if he weren't currently trying to get his breathing back under control.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he grumbles, pushing the other two away as he gets up.

The rest of the drive is made in awkward silence. He's not sure if it's because the other two have run out of things to complain about or if they're doing that thing he hates where they tiptoe around him like he's made of glass, but either way, it's annoying. He turns up the music to drown out the silence and taps his fingers along the steering wheel to the beat.

When they finally arrive in the town, they pull into another seedy looking motel and Dean goes to get them rooms again. This time, he remembers to book them two and he tosses a set of keys to Cas before they head to their rooms to change into their fed suits. He makes sure that he's got his gun tucked safely into his belt at the small of his back and that he hasn't forgotten his fake badge before they set out for the coroner's office.

With a few convincing words and the flash of their badges, they stand in the morgue, looking down at one of the mysterious deaths. It's nothing they haven't seen before, of course. Only this death looks like it was caused by an angel, rather than a demon. The eyes have been burned out and the coroner tells them that upon autopsy, the inside was practically soup. The only thing that reassures them that there's a demon at work somehow is the report of sulfur near the body upon its discovery.

When they leave, Cas takes the initiative to pull Dean to the side to talk. Sam waits for them by the Impala and Dean glances at him, expecting him to come in and rescue him, frowning when his brother just shrugs and leans against the door.

"I can't be here, Dean," Cas says, taking the hunter's attention off Sam.

"What? What are you talking about, Cas?"

"There's an angel at work here. I shouldn't have come along."

"Well, it's a bit late for that," he jokes.

"I'm serious Dean. I'm putting you and Sam in danger. I have to leave," he says matter of factly.

"Like hell you do. Last time you were by yourself you got killed. Or did you forget?" Dean says.

"No, I didn't. But my presence only draws attention and I'm not putting you at risk."

"Yeah? Well, I'm not letting you go off on your own. Especially here. We don't know how many demons, or angels for that matter, that we're up against. If you think I'm letting you leave now, then you'd better think again."

Castiel bristles at that. Dean imagines that if he still had his wings, they'd be flaring up behind him in protest at that.

"I'm not weak, Dean. I can handle myself perfectly well."

"I'm not saying you can't, Cas. I'm saying it's better for us to stick together," Dean replies.

"I'm putting you and your brother in danger just by standing here. It'd be better if I left. If the angels find me, they won't hesitate to kill me, or anyone else who gets in their way."

"You're just not going to give this up, are you?" Dean asks, getting frustrated with the man.

Cas remains stubbornly silent and that's enough of an answer for him. The hunter contemplates what Cas is saying. It's true. His presence alone is a danger to him, to Sam. It would increase their chances of making it out of this hunt alive if Cas left. But then he remembers how he felt when he'd burst into that apartment and saw his friend with a blade sticking out of his chest. The anger at the reaper that killed him had been nothing compared to the sadness and devastation he'd felt at losing Cas. He can't go through that. Not again. He doesn't care if Cas wants to argue with him or not. The guy's staying, no matter what.

"No," he finally says.

"No?" Cas repeats, looking at him in confusion.

"You're not leaving," he says, shushing Cas when he opens his mouth to argue. "I know you can defend yourself. I know you're not weak. But you're human now and you can die, and there's no guarantee someone will bring you back. Losing you once was bad enough. I can't do it again. I just can't."

Cas visibly deflates at that, his glare changing into an expression of wonder and perhaps awe. He smiles a little and nods.

"Okay," he agrees.

"'Okay'? That's it, no arguing or anything?" Dean says, looking at him a bit suspiciously, like he might take back his agreement.

"If you really want me to stay with you, then I will," Cas says. He looks over to where Sam is still waiting by the Impala. "Now, I believe we have a hunt to finish."

They spend the rest of the day trying to pinpoint who might be a victim for the demon, or demons, inhabiting the town. A lot of people have gone missing recently and they decide to start there. Unfortunately, their efforts don't yield much, since no one's seen these people in a week and they end up back at the motel empty handed.

Dean thinks about just leaving the demon problem to whatever angels may be present in town. After all, they're pursuing the same goal. However, they've only just arrived and heading back now would make their journey here a complete waste of time. Not only that, but Dean and Sam are still not entirely sure what's going on with the other angels. They know about Metatron and what he did to Cas, but beyond that, they don't know how it's affecting the other angels, if they have some plan to get back home or if they're planning on sticking around to wreak havoc on the humans. He decides to stay for a little while longer, hoping to get a better grasp on the situation and perhaps come up with a plan of his own to put the angels back or return Cas' stolen Grace to him.

They settle in for the night and without an ex angel taking up half his bed, he falls asleep rather quickly. Of course, he doesn't stay that way for very long. A lifetime of hunting has made him a very light sleeper and he wakes up in the middle of the night to hear pained whining coming from somewhere. His immediate thought is of Sam and he glances over to make sure his brother is okay. But Sam is out like a light, snoring away like his life depended on it. He would laugh at the ridiculous position Sam's managed to arrange himself in during his sleep, but another whimper draws his attention away from his brother. When he concentrates, he pinpoints out the source of the sound and he realizes that it's coming from the room next to him. More specifically, it's coming from Cas' room. He gets up, grabbing his angel blade just in case the feathered douches found them somehow and creeps over to the next room.

He considers knocking, but if someone is in there, he doesn't want them to know he's standing just outside the door. Granted, if a celestial being was standing on other side, he's pretty certain they'd sense him anyway.

He pushes the door inward and enters the room quietly, checking to make sure someone isn't hiding around the corner before shutting the door behind him. It's dark, with the only light coming from the moonlight leaking in through the windows and he can't really see if there's anyone there. He hears another cry of pain and he looks around before his eyes settle on Castiel, lying asleep in his bed with the sheets all twisted up. He sets the blade down, realizing that it's only a nightmare. Part of him considers just going back to his own room, but the other part that cares a lot about Cas, which is admittedly a large part of him, compels him to stay. After all, Cas has watched over him a lot during their time together and it only makes sense to return the favor.

He walks over to the edge of the bed, sitting down and putting his hand on Castiel's shoulder. For the split second it remains there, he can feel how badly the guy's shaking until he recoils from the touch like Dean burned him. Cas keeps mumbling nonsense that he can't really make out. He catches Naomi's name a few times along with the pleading for whatever he's experiencing to stop. He still doesn't know what happened to the red-headed angel, but whatever did happen, he hopes that it wasn't good.

"Cas? You alright? You're dreaming, okay? It's not real," he says, trying to be reassuring without touching his friend again. Cas thrashes and flails in his sleep a bit and almost catches Dean in the jaw before he moves out of the way. On instinct, he grabs Cas' wrists to stop him and realizes a bit too late that it was a bad idea. The ex angel lets out an agonized scream that sends chills down his spine and it's only cut off by the sob that catches in his throat as he tries to pull away. The hunter lets go immediately and instead gathers Cas into his arms, gently like he would a child and tries to wake him up again.

"Cas! Wake up!" he shouts. "It's a dream, you're safe now. It's me, I'm right here, okay?"

"No," Cas whines pitifully, hands beating weakly at his chest.

"Cas? Can you hear me?" Dean says, trying to reign in his panic because he doesn't know what do at this point. He could always try splashing water on Cas' face, but he doesn't want to leave his side for a moment.

"Come on, man, wake up. Cas?" he pleads. Cas is still making pained noises like a wounded animal and he can't keep listening to them.

"Castiel!" he shouts, shaking Cas one last time in an attempt to wake him.

"Dean?" he mutters, eyelids fluttering as he searches for the hunter in his dreams.

"Yeah, it's me. I'm right here. You're dreaming, Cas. You're okay, you're safe now, you hear me?" he says.

Finally, his eyes open and even in the dark, he can see the blue in them as he blinks up at him. Dean can't help but smiling down at him, hand coming up to brush away the tears gathered in his friend's eyes.

"Hey Cas," he says softly.

"Hello Dean," Cas replies hoarsely. He catches the hunter by surprise, sitting up and pulling him into a tight hug. Despite the nightmare being over, Cas still shakes like a leaf caught in the wind and Dean can't find it in his heart to push him away.

"It's okay now, you're alright," he soothes, rubbing his hand over Cas' back. Cas nods silently into his shoulder.

"Thank you," he whispers.

"Any time," Dean replies, pressing a kiss to Cas' temple.

When Cas lets go, he looks a bit more put together. He sniffles and wipes at his eyes before giving Dean a watery smile. Dean returns it with a grin of his own and figures that Cas probably wants to be left alone for now. He gets up to leave and only stops when Cas reaches out and wraps his fingers around Dean's wrist.

"Don't go," he says, looking up with pleading eyes.

The grip on his wrist is weak. Human. He could easily get out of it if he wanted to. Cas seems to know this and tightens his grip a little.

"Please?" he asks.

"Move over," Dean finally says, ignoring the way his heart skips a beat at Cas' resulting grin.

Whereas before Cas might not have invaded his personal space, now he has no problems with it and snuggles into the hunter's side once Dean gets under the covers. He's too tired and not mean enough to make a comment about it and instead he wraps an arm around Cas' shoulders and tugs him closer.

* * *

Come morning, sunlight streams in through the dusty blinds. The strips of light cast a sort of glow onto his friend and their feet are tangled together like in cliche romantic movies. He doesn't know how, but sometime during their sleep, he ended up basically spooning the fallen angel, Cas' back pressed up against his chest. He slowly unwraps his arms from around him and feels a little guilty when it makes the other stir into wakefulness.

Despite his opposition to chick flick moments, he can't help but think it's somewhat adorable when Cas sits up and stretches, hair and shirt a sleep ruffled mess. He looks at Dean, blinking a bit blearily before finally yawning and asking him the time. He ends up not having to answer when a knock sounds at the door.

"Cas, are you up yet?" Sam asks through the door.

"Yes," he replies.

"Have you seen Dean today? It's almost nine and I haven't seen him anywhere. I tried calling but he left his phone here," Sam says, almost in a panic.

"Don't get your shirt in a twist, I'm in here, Sammy," Dean calls.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, it's me," he replies.

"Oh. I didn't know-, uh well, I didn't mean to um, interrupt anything. Just, uh. I'm gonna go now. Bye," Sam replies, now more awkward and weirded out than concerned. Footsteps retreat into the other room and Dean realizes too late what his brother must be thinking. He groans and lets his head drop into his hands. Cas looks at him curiously, head tilted to the side in confusion.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"Sam probably thinks we slept together," he says.

"But we did sleep together," Cas replies confusedly.

"Not literally," Dean grumbles, waiting for the inevitable moment when Cas understands what he means. When he does, Dean swears that Cas blushes.

"Oh, you mean he thinks we had sex," he says, still blunt as ever.

"Yeah, pretty much," Dean replies.

"Why would he think that? Just because we shared a room? You and Sam share a room on almost every hunt and I don't come to the conclusion that you two are having sex."

Dean makes a face at Cas' words.

"Okay, one, don't ever, _ever_ mention me and Sam and sex in the same sentence together, ever again. Ever," he says, shuddering at the memory of Becky and all the slash fans he'd found on their fan page.

"And two, he probably thinks that because...well, because he thinks we're in love. With each other," Dean says.

"Oh. Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"In love with me?"

Dean goes silent because Cas is starting to stray into 'way too personal and girly' territory and because he honestly isn't sure. He knows that his feelings for Cas are more than just platonic, but he's not ready to make that leap yet and say that he's in love with the fallen angel.

"Dean?"

"Uh, I'm going to go take a shower," he says, taking the opportunity to retreat and pretending he doesn't see the disappointment on Cas' face.

As he hops from foot to foot, shivering under the cold stream of water while he waits for the crappy water heater to kick in, he's certain that all this is Sam's fault. It was his little brother who had accused him of having feelings for Cas even before the ex angel had come back to the bunker. Granted, Dean's pretty certain that the two weeks in which he'd been anticipating Cas' arrival were pretty convincing.

He'd taken the time to clear out one of the store rooms to convert it into a bedroom for Cas. It was a project that he would work on between hunts and he would always go to Sam for advice on what he thought. Sam helped of course, but at the cost of constantly asking Dean about his feelings and bothering him all the time about Cas. When he finished and was as satisfied as he would be with it, he'd shown Sam with a huge grin on his face at the time. Sam had only rolled his eyes before shaking his head at him and muttering, "You're hopeless."

His only real satisfaction came from the fact that Cas had liked his room and the way his eyes lit up when Dean told him that he fixed it up for him. Sam had been watching the whole exchange and coughed loudly at not being mentioned in helping with the room and possibly to get Dean to quit being so emotionally constipated and open up about his feelings already. But he's too stubborn for that and he did what he always does and told Sam to shut up while he stuffed those feelings down with all the other things he felt for Cas.

And now with this recent case, those things are being brought to the light, dragged up from inside where he keeps them under lock and key. After last night, and even the events of the previous day, he can't continue to deny that he feels something for Cas that goes beyond just brotherly love. He hurts when Cas does, smiles when he does, and is as fiercely protective of him as Cas is of the hunter. Yesterday, the thought of Cas going away again made dread settle into his stomach and even though he was being selfish, he wasn't able to let him go.

As he finishes with his shower and dresses, he resolves to solve whatever this is with Cas. Maybe not now, but definitely some time soon. They've been dancing around it for a few weeks now - he knows if he asked Sam about it his brother would say it's been years rather than days - and he'd be pretty dang stupid to not believe that there was something there.

"Your turn," he says to Cas as he walks out of the bathroom.

Cas smiles a little sadly at him before collecting clean clothes and moving past Dean into the bathroom. He sits down on the bed while he waits, trying to figure out the puzzle that his thoughts have become. He's still not sure if he'd go so far as to say he loved Cas. Sure, perhaps there was some sort of brotherly love there, but _in_ love with him? Sam certainly seems to think so and his brother's made clear plenty of times that he's not the only one who's noticed. The way he talks about it, Dean would think he made a bet or something with other people. He's got proof and can give a precise number on how many times people, whether it's demon, angel, or monster, have implied that there was something more between them. Sam had once said that when demons and angels agree on something that he tends to listen. Now more than ever, his stupid, annoying, little brother is trying to get him to listen.

When Cas steps out of the shower, he's dressed in his fed suit again. A different one that makes his defined muscles stand out and Dean realizes with an almost flush that he's paying way too much attention to his friend if he notices stuff like that. He clears his throat a little awkwardly and stands, moving to the door with Cas trailing behind.

Sam meets them outside and before they leave, Dean makes sure that Cas has everything in order, like his hair and tie which somehow always end up looking messy yet endearing. He smiles and gives Cas two thumbs up. Sam rolls his eyes and makes gagging noises in the background, smirking to himself when Dean tells him to shut it. They get into the Impala and Dean tries to ignore the knowing looks that Sam keeps sending his way, like it's going to get him anywhere.

They resume their search for the people who'd gone missing and it's Cas' eagle eyes that spot one of them on the sidewalk. Dean just barely catches the flicker of black in them before Cas takes off at a run with the two brothers close on his heels. The demon immediately turns tail and runs, zipping around the people in the street and ignoring their dirty looks as he shoves past them.

"Federal agents! Outta the way!" Dean shouts, and that gets most of them to move.

Cas chases the demon around the corner and Dean and Sam follow. It's a back alleyway that ends up leading to a dead end. He spots the demon, stuck with nowhere to go, but Cas is gone. He pulls out Ruby's knife and storms right up to the demon, pinning him against the wall.

"Where's Cas?" he demands.

"I don't know, he's gone. I don't know what happened or where he went," the demon stutters.

Dean looks at him suspiciously, lowering the knife when he realizes that this guy's no longer possessed. He sighs and lets the man go. After asking him what he can remember, which isn't much, he has Sam take the guy home while he heads back to their motel. He always makes sure they keep spare badges or fake IDs just in case they lose one and it comes in handy this time as he shows around one of Cas' to see if anyone knows where he went.

For the first time on the hunt, someone is able to help them. They point him towards an abandoned bar on the street corner that closed down about a year ago. No one goes in there anymore and they thought it was odd to see someone walk in the front door. Dean finds it rather easily and goes inside, flask of holy water in his hand.

Before he can get his bearings, the door slams shut behind him and he doesn't have to try it to know that it's most likely sealed. He turns and sees Cas standing across the room from him, leaning on the counter of the old bar. Of course, it's not really Cas, he reminds himself as he watches blue eyes flicker to black.

"Took you long enough," he drawls, grinning deviously at the hunter.

"Get out of him," Dean says.

"Or what? You won't hurt your precious angel, I know that much," the demon mocks, pushing off the counter and moving closer to Dean.

"Oh don't worry, this won't hurt Cas," he says and flips open the flask, flinging the water at the demon and watching as it sizzles on his skin. The demon hisses in pain and moves back again. Dean glares at him and inches closer, ready to douse him again.

"So you've got some holy water. Big deal. You'll run out soon enough," he sneers.

"Yeah, well I can still exorcise you," Dean retorts. He opens his mouth to start reciting the exorcism when the demon pushes him into the far wall, keeping him stuck there with his powers.

"Ah, ah, ah. I don't think so," he says, leaning down and picking up the angel blade that had fallen after he pinned Dean to the wall. He holds it up to his own neck and smiles wickedly at Dean.

"You do that," he starts, "And I slit your friend's throat."

"You'll die too," Dean says.

"So?" the demon shrugs. "Plenty more of my kind walking around here."

Dean glares at the demon before he finally sighs. The demon smiles triumphantly but doesn't take the blade away from his throat.

"It's so easy to get you to do what I want when I've got Castiel's meatsuit under my control," he says. "He's your weak spot, just like your little bro, huh Dean?"

He doesn't say anything, doesn't want to take the risk that he might say something and get Cas killed. Instead, he just settles for scowling at the demon wearing Cas' vessel, thinking desperately for a way out of the mess he's got himself in. In the background, the demon keeps droning on and he hardly pays him any attention. At least until now.

"You know," the demon starts. "For an angel, this guy's got some pretty sinful thoughts up here. You should see what he thinks about doing to you Dean. Funny, always took the guy for the submissive one, what with the way you've got him wrapped around your finger."

"Shut up," Dean growls at him.

The demon grins.

"Oh Dean, I thought you knew. Castiel? See, he loves you. From what I can tell, he's loved you ever since he dragged you out of Hell. I guess you've got your own guardian angel, huh? Lucky you," he says. He frowns a little.

"It's too bad that you don't feel the same. I mean, Castiel rebelled for you. Everything he did with the whole becoming God thing was just so he wouldn't have to ask you for help. He didn't want to bother you with his problems. How sweet," the demon says.

"You're lying," Dean says. He has to be. Because Dean has to keep believing that Cas did what he did because he wanted to defeat Raphael and be the new guy in charge. The alternative, that Cas did it all for him, is so much worse because it's another person sacrificing themselves for him and he's so tired of it. Hasn't anyone learned that he's not worth it?

"Really? What reason would I have to lie to you, Dean?" the demon asks curiously, tilting his head to the side in a mock impression of Cas' trademark confused look.

"You're a demon. Demons lie,"

"Believe what you want," the demon replies with a shrug. "But I think you already know I'm telling the truth. I guess it doesn't matter anyway. It's not like you'll ever get a chance to return his feelings."

The demon grins and moves the knife to his chest instead, intending on stabbing himself, stabbing Cas, in the heart. Dean's own heart nearly stops when the demon draws the blade back, crying out Cas' name without even thinking about it.

"Dean?"

The angel blade is inches from his chest and it's shaking with the effort Castiel is using to stop the demon from killing him. Dean's feet fall back onto the floor and he goes to Cas' side, prying the blade out of his hands and gathering the fallen angel in his arms.

"Dean, you have to get away. I can't hold him back much longer. I'm not strong enough," Cas says in a strained voice.

"No, I'm not leaving you!"

"You stupid idiot, just go!" Cas growls, pushing him away.

The whole scene reminds him of when Cas was taken over by the Leviathan and he'd been helpless then. He's not going to let it happen again. Even if it kills him, he's not leaving Cas behind. He takes Cas' hands in his own and looks him straight in the eye.

"You listen to me, Cas. I'm not going anywhere. I-I love you, okay?"

Cas' eyes widen at his declaration.

"I love you, and I'm not letting you go. Not again. I meant it when I said I can't lose you. I need you, Cas."

"Dean, please. I won't be able to live with myself if I hurt you," Cas pleads. He gives another weak little push at Dean's chest, trying to get him to leave.

"You're not going to hurt me. You're going to be just fine," he says, keeping a firm grip on Cas' hands.

"I'm sorry for this," Cas says, taking initiative seeing as how Dean isn't going to leave. He pushes Dean's hands away and pulls out the angel blade that he always keeps on his person, giving one last shove to push Dean away enough so he has room to move the knife. Just before it plunges into his side, he sees the horrified look on Dean's face and smiles, trying to tell him that it'll be okay.

"No!" Dean cries, watching as the blade sinks in and lights dance behind Cas' eyes. His friend teeters on his feet before falling forward and Dean catches him, pulling the knife out and instead covering the wound with his hand. The cut isn't very wide and he can cover it easily, but he doesn't know how long he can keep Cas alive like this. Blood already seeps through Cas' shirt and onto his hands.

"Dammit Cas! You stupid son of a bitch, don't you dare die on me!" he says, hefting Cas up and hauling him out the door. He meets Sam's surprised and concerned face on the other side and he doesn't have enough time to explain while they pile into the Impala and drive to the hospital.

* * *

He remembers just how much he hates hospitals. The smell of medicine and sterilized equipment permeates the air and it only adds to the irritation that's growing inside him. The doctors and nurses won't tell him what Cas' condition is. They're all looking at him like _he's_ the one who stabbed Cas in the first place. Which is just annoying.

When the doctor who'd first came out to talk to him walks over, he stands up with Sam, demanding to know how his friend is doing.

"Is he okay?" Dean asks.

The doctor looks grim and Dean knows that's a bad sign. He feels his heart clench and he hopes to a God that isn't there that Cas is okay.

"There's a lot of bleeding and the blade went through several veins. It's going to be tough getting in there to repair them. I'm going to be honest with you and tell you that you should prepare for the worst," he says. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't going to fix Cas," Dean chokes out angrily. He feels like punching something, preferably this doctor, but that won't help Cas any. Sam leads him away with an apologetic glance at the doctor. The other man isn't fazed by it, probably used to these reactions, and only nods sympathetically at them.

"Are you okay, Dean?" Sam asks once they've walked away.

"Why the hell would I be okay Sam? Cas is going to die, again, and it's my fault. I should have known he'd do that. I should've taken his angel blade so he couldn't have done that. I'm so stupid," he says, words coming out in a rush.

"Hey, calm down. Cas isn't going to die, okay?" Sam assures him.

"And how do you know? You're not a doctor," Dean says.

"No, I'm not. But Cas is strong. He'll pull through."

"Yeah, well, he better. Otherwise...," Dean trails off. He isn't what he'll do otherwise. He'll go on living of course, saving people, hunting things with Sam by his side. But things will never be the same. He'll always have that stupid Cas-shaped hole in him that he'll probably end up trying to fill with alcohol and one night stands with blue eyed, dark haired girls.

He paces the little waiting room filled with people who look on at him with sympathy. He needs to do something or else he might end up punching something or someone and he really can't afford to get kicked out right now. When a nurse comes over and calls out their fake name, he lets out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and follows her to Cas' room.

He's hooked up to an IV and has a monitor beeping steadily next to him. He's dressed in that ridiculous polka dotted gown that all patients wear and Dean would laugh if he weren't so damn scared. The nurse informs the both of them that Cas is stable and that, somehow, he made it and he'll be okay. Dean breathes out a sigh of relief and feels himself relax just the smallest bit at the news.

He pulls up a plastic chair next to the bed and sits down, staring at Cas as he sleeps. It's strange how their rolls seem reversed now and he reaches down to take one of Cas' hands in his. He's usually not one for talking to people in the hospital, but he's willing to make an exception for Cas. After all, he's been doing that ever since he met the guy.

"Sam, could you, er," he stops, not sure how to go about asking his brother to leave. Cas is his friend too, after all. But Sam only smiles softly at him and nods, seemingly understanding what he's asking and steps outside.

He takes a breath and blows it out slowly, squeezing Cas' hand slightly to anchor himself.

"Hey Cas, it's me. I don't know if you can hear me. I feel kind of silly doing this, but hey, it's kind of like praying isn't it?" he surmises. Cas breathes steadily and the only indication that he might have heard Dean is the slight twitch of his fingers in Dean's hand. He smiles and feels a little less foolish talking to him now.

"You're so stupid, man. You didn't have to do that. I would've figured something out. I always do, don't I?" he says, glancing at Cas' face.

"You know I meant what I said back there, right? I wasn't just saying it to get you to stop or anything. I really do love you. I think I have for a while. Sam pointed it out to me before you came to the bunker. I didn't believe him, of course. But then I found you and I was so happy to see you. I thought it would be kind of stupid to keep dancing around this for another year."

"So there. I love you Cas and I know you're sleeping right now, but I really wish you'd wake up and let me see those beautiful eyes of yours," he says. He blushes at his own words slightly, not quite meaning to say so much. He's grateful that Sam isn't in here to hear the sap that's leaking out of him like he's a faucet. Cas doesn't stir and Dean doesn't blame him. He needs his rest after all and as long as he's okay, then there's nothing to worry about.

Someone taps on the glass and he looks up to see a nurse. It's not the girl from earlier though. It's a guy this time and he steps quietly into the room, probably to check on Cas or something. He looks over the charts on the clipboard at the end of the bed before looking at Dean and smiling.

"So, how is Castiel?" he asks.

"He's-," Dean stops. He never told anyone here Cas' real name. His hand automatically goes for his angel blade, silently cursing himself when he remembers that it's probably still lying on the floor at the abandoned bar.

"Don't worry Dean, I'm not here to hurt you. Or him for that matter. It's because of me that Castiel is even alive," he says.

He doesn't completely relax at that, but he does stop glaring daggers at his face.

"You're an angel?" he asks.

He nods.

"Yes. My name is Sariel. I recognized Castiel's vessel when you brought him here and I healed him."

"Well, thanks I guess," Dean says, settling back down into his seat. He still doesn't trust the angel standing across from him, but he doesn't think that he's a bad guy at least. He looks at the guy and a thought occurs to him.

"Were you the one smiting all those demons?" he asks.

"No," he says with a shake of his head. "I'm an angel of healing. I prefer to help rather than harm in most situations. It wouldn't surprise me if it were one of my brothers or sisters. Many of them are lost now that they can't go back home. They're not used to having free will like your friend is."

"But you're different?"

Sariel shrugs at that, which seems awfully human for an angel. Then again, just because Cas had a hard time adjusting to his humanity didn't mean other angels were experiencing the same.

"Not so much. My purpose here is the same as in Heaven. I've learned to help out at hospitals so my powers aren't so conspicuous,"

He walks over to Cas and holds his hand just above his forehead. Light emits from his palm and Dean recognizes the light as Sariel's Grace. It flows into Castiel and he stirs into wakefulness, blinking up at the angel.

"Who are you?" he asks a bit warily.

"Ah, yes, I suppose you wouldn't recognize me like this, huh? It's Sariel," the angel replies.

Cas looks a bit relieved at that and Dean figures that if he trusts this guy then he must be okay.

"It's good to see you, brother," Cas says.

"You too, Castiel. How have you been?"

Cas shrugs. "I've seen better days," he replies.

Sariel laughs lightly at that, giving his brother a fond smile.

"I think we all have," he says before adopting a more serious look. "I'm glad you're okay. Being possessed like that must have been horrible."

"It was not pleasant. But I couldn't let the demon do any more damage," he says.

"What you did was brave. But it was stupid too. If I hadn't been around, you'd be dead. You were bleeding out internally," Sariel says with that same look that Dean sometimes gets when Sam does something particularly stupid and courageous.

"I know. Thank you for that."

"You're welcome. Just...don't make this a regular thing, okay? I worry about you, little brother."

"I am not so young anymore, Sariel," Cas replies with a fond smile.

They banter back and forth for a bit and Dean wonders if this is what other people see when they look at him and his brother. It's a bit strange, knowing that Cas, a being who is thousands of years old, is considered the 'little brother' around this other angel. But the ease with which they converse can be described as nothing other than brotherly affection. It reminds him of when he and Sam were little and they'd talk about things to keep their minds off the fact that their father was absent.

After a while, the angel leaves so he can get some things in order to get Cas discharged from the hospital as soon as possible. With him all fixed up, they're ready to go home. The two of them hug and Cas bids farewell to his older brother before they head out to the Impala. This time, Sam lets him ride shotgun so Dean can keep an eye on him. Which Cas finds annoying when Dean keeps taking his eyes off the road every so often to glance at him and ask him a million questions, reassuring himself that he's still there. He only stops when Cas finally reaches over and laces their fingers together, effectively shutting him up for the rest of the drive home. Sam smirks at Dean in the rearview mirror and Dean only rolls his eyes.

"Shut up," he grumbles.

"I didn't say anything!" Sam says. "But I do have to make some calls," he adds, mumbling to himself.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just talking to myself."

Sam looks at him innocently and Dean just sighs, returning his eyes to the road and cherishing the feeling of Cas' hand in his own.


End file.
